No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
one two three fourrrrnication!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
