We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
third nipple confirmed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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