ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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