Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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