$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
