Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
