This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
