She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
