Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
