don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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