at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
