She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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