i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
