Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
