GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
