but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
