You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
accomplished twins. life is a go
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
