i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
