Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
