She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
birth control should be required to get into college
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
