i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Enjoy the penises
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
