hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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