For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
