That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
