Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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