Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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