porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
