I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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