my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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