I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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