i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
