Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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