I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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