I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
