Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
