Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
