Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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