my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
