at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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