Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
