Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
