So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
