Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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