you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
