Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
