Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
