Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
