Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
