He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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