I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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