And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
