just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
